Emma’s Journey
Emma knew her time here was nearly up. It had been a journey of confusion, and she was unsure where it would end.
Emma found herself on a bridge, and before her was a young man who who was poised to throw himself into the dark, murky waters below. It was raining and blustery, but Emma did not feel wet or cold, even though she was only wearing a cotton tee shirt, jeans and a thin jacket. Emma could not recall how she came to be on the bridge, but she was instinctively aware that she must prevent this man from making the biggest mistake of his life.
Emma had never helped anyone before, in fact the people who knew her would probably have classed her as being selfish. It was true Emma had always put herself first, and driven by the constant anger within her, she had run away from home 3 years ago. This had led her to the miserable existence of living on the streets, cold lonely and hungry, and living a life of crime to feed her drug addiction. Now she found herself about to convince a complete stranger that his life was worth living. How ironic, but before she could even think about what she was doing she blurted out, “hey – it looks a bit choppy for a swim. Are you some adrenaline freak trying to break a diving record? Tom Daily wouldn’t even consider doing that dive.”
Her words were carried with the wind to the man, who wasn’t too far away from her. He was poised like a statue on the rails of the majestic bridge. As he turned to look at her, Emma was convinced she caught a glimpse of a slight grin or maybe it was a smirk, appear upon his pale, melancholy face.
“Leave me alone,” he shouted, with a voice full of despair.
Emma recognised that voice of someone who had given up alright, but she was not going to give up now, so she cheerily replied back; “before you turn your back on the world, come down here and do a good deed, by helping this damsel in distress.”
This puzzled him for he looked at her inquisitively, wondering why she was a damsel in distress for he felt that he was so useless, that he could not possibly be of any help to anyone.
“Clear off and mind your own business,” he retorted abruptly.
Emma was not perturbed. She encouraged the man that by helping her it would prove to him that he was worthy of something, and it would perhaps take his mind away from his problems.
“How can I be of service?” he replied sarcastically.
Emma, in her damsel in distress voice, explained how she was aware that she was on a journey, but she had no recollection of where she was going, neither could she know where she was or how she had arrived there. As she uttered these words, the realisation of the truth of her predicament hit home to her.
The man laughed, “You’re the lucky one then. How I wish I could forget about my miserable life. Anyway, I still don’t see how I can help you, except to tell you that you are standing on London Bridge.”
Emma pondered for a second wondering how she had come to be here. She shuddered and was brought back to the present, realising her mission at the moment was to focus on preventing this man from taking his own life. She suggested that they go and find somewhere warm and dry, away from the cold and the rain to talk. She felt that she could try talking to him to get him to talk so that he can explain why he felt his life was no longer worth living, which may help him view things differently. In return, he would be giving her time to recollect her thoughts and find clarity to her own situation.
There was silence between them and Emma thought that he was ignoring her. In the darkness of the night, she could just make out his silhouette, sitting on the rails of the bridge, his face turned away from her, looking down in to the chilly water below. The occasional passer- by, walked past with their heads held low, collars tucked over their ears, totally oblivious to the girl and the man, all eager to reach their own destination and be safe from the raging elements.
Emma feeling defeated, contemplated what to say next, when the man slowly turned to face her and with a sigh exclaimed, “Oh I’m obviously not going to get rid of you, and you have spoiled the moment. Come on then, let’s go and talk. I can always come back and finish what I intended later.”
The man swung his long spidery legs around and with one leap he was suddenly standing in front of her. He towered over her own thin slight body. Looking up at him, she saw he had handsome features, despite his weary and now rather irritated appearance. He pulled up the collar of his leather jacket in a small attempt to shield himself from the elements. Emma considered this act a little ironical considering a few moments ago, the man did not care if he was cold and wet.
Emma instinctively followed him as he started to walk. They strolled together in silence, with Emma trying to keep in step with his quick long strides. Emma smelt the delicious aroma of fresh baked bread and she was happy when the man stopped, opened a door and ushered her inside. A little bell jingled above the door as they entered and were welcomed into the warmth of a cosy bakery and cafe . The 5 or 6 tables were all empty, which was not surprising considering the time being in the early hours of the morning. Emma was surprised that the cafe was open at such an early hour. She was pondering on this as they made themselves comfortable at a little table in the corner, far away from the dark miserable weather outside.
No sooner had they sat down, when a short, stocky man in a chef’s apron, approached them. As he reached their table, Emma could not help but notice a smear of flour across his face. Taking a small note pad from the pocket of his apron and pulling a pencil from behind his ear he enquired cheerfully, “Is it your usual large vanilla cappuccino sir, and would you like some toasted teacakes with jam?”
This suggested that the two men were obviously acquainted. Her companion replied politely that he would have his usual drink and he repeated Emma’s whispered order of a caramel latte. They were both tempted to accept the offer of fresh toasted teacakes and jam. Neither of them noticed the perplexed look from the waiter as he turned to go back to his kitchen.
Emma felt contented and strangely at ease with her companion, despite him being a complete stranger. As she studied him, she noticed that he had soft brown eyes, which reflected so much sadness within them. He had curly black hair which was wet from the rain, and surrounded his face in dripping curls, giving him a vulnerable cheeky boyish look. He sighed and informed her wearily that he often comes to this cafe in the early hours as he is unable to sleep. Many times he had contemplated to take his own life but he was a coward and felt that the he had even failed at that.
“Tonight I would have really gone through with it, but you came along and disturbed me,” he exclaimed, in a rather distorted voice.
“But why do you want to kill yourself? Surely your life is worth living,” she asked him, as she tried to envisage what could possibly trigger this handsome man to even consider suicide.
Their steaming drinks and mouth- watering food was brought out to them. They sipped at their drinks and ate in silence for a while, before her companion began to talk. It was as if the warmth of the steaming coffee and the delicious tasty fresh bread had opened up his heart, for he poured it all out to Emma.
She learned that he had a wife and two young children, a boy who was five and a little girl of three. There was no denying that he thought the world of his family, as he spoke of them with so much love and tenderness.
“They would be better off without me ,as they don’t deserve a husband and father who is so useless that he cannot even provide for his own family,” he proclaimed sadly.
He continued to explain that he had worked as a salesman for various companies ever since he had left school. His dad had found him the position, having been in the same career himself. It was a job he hated as he resented conning people into purchasing items, he actually thought were useless or pointless. Hence he was not good at selling, and had gone from one company to another, all ending in dismissal due to his lack of selling ability. This time he had found it impossible to get another job of any sort. With every job search ending in failure and seeing his wife looking tired and weary from working longer and extra shifts at the supermarket, he had been driven into a dark depression. At first he had slept all day, then he had discovered TV gambling and after a small win he was hooked in, ever hopefully of the win that would solve all his financial worries.
“Need I say any more?” he added feebly, as he went on to say how the gambling bug had got to him so much that he had borrowed and begged from family and friends to keep out of debt. He had even taken out a loan and was now at risk of losing their home. His wife was totally unaware. He could not bear to see his wife going through this because of him, nor could he live with the shame of his deceitfulness and betrayal of her trust.
“So you see I have lost everything and I have nothing to live for. My family deserve better.”
Emma had listened intently as he spoke. No one had ever trusted or confided in her like that before. Emma realised sadly, that she had always been too self-obsessed to have listened to anyone else’s problems. As she contemplated what he had told her, she became aware of how could she possibly help this man? Who was she to advise anyone? Look how she had ended up. But she really wanted to help this man as she knew more than most people, that feeling so desolate not only leads to self- destruction, but it causes so much pain and anguish to those around you.
She leaned across the table and took both his hands into her own. In a voice, so full of compassion that she did not recognise as her own, she outlined to him how devastated his family would be without him in their lives.
He just looked at her and shook his head sadly.
Emma continued to speak, surprising herself at her own honesty and sincerity. She told him of her miserable life, how her anger and hatred for everyone, and her selfishness and stubbornness, had led her to run away from home, leaving her homeless and living a life of drugs and crime. These drastic decisions of hers, had destroyed the loving family she had left behind. After many years of searching for her and hoping that one day, Emma would come home, her Mum had succumbed to bad health and had died with a broken heart. Emma sadly came across this information by accident, when an old neighbour recognised her and broke the news to her. The thought that she would never see her lovely gentle kind mum again, hit her as if a knife had been stabbed through her entire body. She then realised the hurt and sorrow she had caused her family, and how now, it was too late to make any amends. She had returned once to see her dad, but instead of walking up the drive to knock on the blue door, she remembered so well, she had hid like a coward, behind the lilac tree across the road. As she waited with the sweet aroma of lilac in the air, she witnessed a little man with slumping shoulders fiddle with the lock of the blue door as he let himself in. Although it was her dad, this was not the dad she’d left behind, for he had been a tall man with strong broad shoulders. It was too late to go back, the damage had been done. So she turned and walked away, continuing to live with the pain and misery.
Silence fell between them as they both were deep in thought. The man grunted breaking the silence and argued that although he sympathised with Emma, he knew his wife was strong and was convinced that she would be better off without him.
Emma felt herself fuming with anger, again surprising herself as harsh words full of emotion suddenly flowed out of her. “Don’t you think that is rather cruel of you, leaving your wife alone to sort out the mess that you’ve made, while you take the easy option by not being around to face and sort out your difficulties together?”
As she blurted out the words, it hit a nerve with her, that her anger was not solely directed at the man opposite her, for it was aimed at herself also, for her own misgivings and pain she had caused to those that loved her. She must have raised her voice for the man jolted and turned his gaze from looking at the table to stare directly at her. His eyes were wide open, and for the first time, Emma noticed a spark of life in them, as if he had just been woken up from a distant dream. She realised that he was hoping that she would have some answers to his problems. Feeling honoured that he trusted her, she spoke gently and confidently as a way forward for him became apparent to her.
“Surely it would be less of a burden if you were honest with your wife, then you can work together to sort through your problems. Your wife loves you and I am sure she is so worried about you and hates you carrying this burden alone. No one can fight such a battle alone. We all need help sometimes in our life, or at least someone there to just listen to our worries and fears. Just releasing your worries often removes that weight from your shoulders.”
The man sighed, shrugged his shoulders and then whispered, “I guess you are right, but what can I do to get us out of the mess I’ve created? I don’t see a way out”
Recognising that she was making some breakthrough, Emma reassured him that sharing and working through his problems with his wife would make them stronger, so that they would find a solution together.
“Would moving help or is it possible to live with family and friends until you get back on your feet? Can family or friends help you out financially? Sometimes we all need to swallow our pride and ask for help. Believe it or not, people like to be asked to help. I am sure that none of your family or friends would want to stand by and see you struggle.”
As she spoke, Emma sensed a surge of sadness as she reflected on her own miserable life. Why had she not appreciated and valued the love and support of her own family and friends? Why had she pushed everyone away? In doing so, not only had she ruined her own life, but she had caused so much heartache, that she had destroyed everyone who loved her also. Still, her own doings seemed too late to undo, but there was hope for this man who sat before her. If she could guide this man to go back to his family and learn to enjoy life again, then maybe there was a chance that she could continue with her journey with a lighter heart and a clearer conscience, knowing that she had been of some value.
The man broke into her thoughts as he suddenly exclaimed, “How will I ever get back on my feet again? I don’t have a job and I seem unable to get job.”
Excitedly Emma burst out, “What do you really want to do? What is your dream? What is your heart telling you?”
The man just stared at her in astonishment, his mouth slightly ajar and his eyes inquisitively looking at her.
“Don’t you see, you are focusing in the wrong direction, as there must be something that you would love to do and with determination and hard work there is nothing to stop you making that dream come true.”
Her words came out in a rushed excited babble, but as she looked across at her companion, his face suddenly lit up with a beaming smile and his brown eyes were sparkling. Emma noticed that his smile revealed cute dimples each side of his cheeks. He was a handsome man and for the first time he appeared to be at ease. He slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper and handed it to Emma. She unfolded it carefully. It contained five verses of a song or a poem written in neat loopy handwriting. As Emma read the beautiful words they flowed and sang out to her bringing tears to her eyes. It was about the power of unconditional love and it hit a chord with her.
The man was looking at her with the excitement still in his eyes, although he also appeared to be a little shy and apprehensive. He uttered, “I love writing songs. Those are the words to one of them, then I play my guitar and apply the music to it.”
Emma was astounded at the beauty and intensity of the words and she was in no doubt that the man before her had a precious talent; a talent that should not go to waste. She told him this, but he just sighed and shrugged his shoulders again, showing his humbleness and lack of self-belief.
Emma was not having any of his negativity. “You should show your songs to people in the business and pester and pester them until they look at your work. Who knows you may get a lucky break.”
The man laughed, “Oh yes just like that, as if that could possibly happen. I still will not be earning a living to feed my family.”
Emma argued with him, “You do not see what a wonderful gift you have. It’s a gift that should be heard and shared. You have to believe in yourself. At least you have to try or you will never know.”
She continued despite the disbelieving look he was giving her. “You could start by making videos on You Tube or holding local concerts, or even busking. People must hear your beautiful music.”
“But I still would not be bringing home any money.”
Emma waved her hands in disregard. “You could try to get a job in a shop, a music shop would be ideal, or take any job that only pays the minimal wage. It would be some help to start, but I am convinced that once your music is heard you will go far and money will no longer be a burden to you. One thing will just lead to another, but you have to believe in yourself and let your music be heard.”
The man just looked at her in bewilderment. “You make it sound so easy”
“No one said it would be easy. It will take a lot of courage, dedication and hard work. Life is never easy, but life is for living and being happy, life is for enjoying and savouring those precious moments. We learn and grow from our mistakes and it is how we rise up from our dark moments that counts. Believe me follow your heart, reach out to your dreams, live each day as it comes and live life to the full. You will find your road to happiness.”
Emma felt her breath seep away from her with the intensity and emotion of her words. She had never spoken like that before. Where had all that come from? She could not reflect on her actions for long, as the man suddenly jumped up, scraping back his chair and rushed to her side of the table. She felt her breathe being taken away again, as he threw his arms around her and kissed her on her cheek. Eventually breaking away he exclaimed,
“I suddenly feel so alive, so free. It is as if I have just woken up. How do you know all of this and why did you stop and be so determined to prevent me from making the biggest mistake in my life?”
Emma did not really know why and she was still pondering over it all. She simply answered in a jovial tone, “I could not bear to see a handsome man jump into that freezing cold water. What a waste of a good looking lad.”
He grinned that cute grin that she had witnessed earlier and asked, “I don’t know how to repay you, but you did say that you needed my help before. Can I help you, or was that a ploy to stop me from jumping?”
“It was no ploy, although I know where I’m going now, and you have helped me more than you’ll ever know.”
She continued as he looked at her puzzled.
“You have made me understand so much, that I no longer feel afraid and for the first time in my life I have put someone else before myself. For the first time in my life I have been of use and it makes me feel so fulfilled.”
The man still appeared confused and again insisted that there must be something he could do to repay her.
“Just go home to your loving family and let me hear that beautiful song played one day soon. That will be the greatest gift that I could wish for.”
He hugged her again, buttoned up his jacket and walked to the door with his head held high, so different from the man who had entered earlier. He turned back to wave to her. “Will we meet again?”
“I don’t think so, but you will always be in my thoughts” she replied.
Emma sat in the silence for a few moments contemplating all that had happened. She eventually got up and as she left the cosy little cafe and retraced her steps back to the bridge where the events of the past hour had started, she was confident where her journey was to end. She had never felt so self-assured and all that anger and bitterness had gone from her. It was replaced with a sense of contentment and peacefulness which filled her every being. She had made amends for her miserable life, although she could not undo the hurt she had caused. She had learned to forgive herself, and she hoped that those close to her had forgiven her to.
As she stood on the bridge, the first rays of daylight could be seen on the horizon. Everything was quiet and still, the river was calm and even the rain had long stopped leaving the heavy scent of dew in the air. Emma wrapped her arms around herself, comforted knowing that her journey of wandering was over and she excitedly anticipated being reunited with the woman, whose heart she had broken. This time Emma would not run away, this time Emma would willingly run into her outstretched arms and embrace the love she had yearned for, but had always denied and pushed away. It had taken a lifetime, but she now knew that the most important thing in the world is the love of family. At last she had found peace.
There was a commotion on London Bridge, as the sun rose from behind the clouds, spreading a glimmer of light on a body of a young woman. Her body had been washed up with the morning tide, but it appeared that she had been dead and drifting in the cold waters for a couple of days. Her slender body was dressed in a cotton tee shirt, jeans and a thin jacket. Her long blond hair wrapped around her pale cheek bones like seaweed, but it could not be denied that her expression was so tranquil and so serene, as if it was the face of an angel.
Emma had come home and was at peace and contented in the knowledge that “Life is a journey and not a destination”.
The end