Life can be so stressful and hard these days that it is easy to forget to show kindness to those around us.
Recently my passion for nursing has been failing me. There is so much pressure put upon us as nurses, and procedures and policies are complicated with advanced technology and computers. Many changes are for the better, but they just seem harder to access or keep up with. More often they take nurses away from caring for the patient.
When helping out on another ward a few weeks back, the extent of this pressure was revealed to me. Someone on this ward has set the precedent that everyone should be aware of doing everything politically correct and in the process watch out for others making mistakes. There was no act of kindness towards fellow colleagues and willingness to help each other. I spent the whole shift feeling nervous, doubting and questioning my own nursing ability and experience of 30 years plus. This led to me making mistakes. If all the nurses were feeling this pressure, imagine the effect it has on their patients.
Fortunately I nurse on a ward with a supportive team. Everyone works together as a team, appreciating our own individual strengths and weaknesses and are always willing to help when needed. Working on this other ward made me value and appreciate the kind and supportive colleagues that I am honoured to work with.
I really care for all my patients and I thrive when I am left to nurse how patients should be cared for. My good old fashioned nursing was brought home to me the other day and made me remember why I became a nurse all those years ago. My passion was restored when during one shift all of my patients in my care complimented me on the care that I had given them. In fact they all thanked me for being kind to them. I did not do anything special and I certainly was not expecting any thanks, as after all I was just doing my job. I had just shown them compassion and empathy when they were feeling at their most vulnerable. But surely this is how all nurses should be to their patients. According to my patients that day, not all nurses are. One patient eagerly told me that one of my colleagues had informed her that everyone liked working with me as I was always cheerful and willing to help them.
I do not nurse to get such thanks and recognition as I received that day. I nurse because I generally like to help and care for people. I like to make a difference to as many lives as possible. I think the universe wanted me to hear all those compliments that day. It made me feel good about myself, and appreciated for all the commitment I give to nursing. It restored my passion for nursing, but it also made me realise that being kind to those around us will make a huge difference to so many lives. You do not have to be a nurse to achieve this.
As I mentor nursing students I hope I pass on my old fashioned nursing skills to them. I nurse from the heart so I hope they learn from me the ability to be kind by showing compassion and empathy. These student nurses will be the nurses of our future. It is easy to show kindness to others and I hope by writing this I can spread a little kindness into your heart, which you will pass on to those around you.
We can show kindness with words and the way we communicate them. Words are so powerful and must never be underestimated. The saying: “stick and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt” is not true. Words can have an everlasting damaging effect. The trouble is once words have been spoken, they are like a bullet being fired out of a gun, as they can never be called back. Parents who tell their children that they will never achieve anything, allow their children to grow up believing that. These children will establish a very low self- esteem and negative attitude to life. On the other hand if the parents have told their children how brilliant they are, the power of the words take over and the children grow up feeling good about themselves. They will have a more confident and positive attitude to life.
It is good if we are able to think before we speak. This can be hard. We can all learn to demonstrate more kindness and compassion through our communication, if we form the habit of using positive words instead of negative words. Words of encouragement and kindness are uplifting to those who are feeling vulnerable or low in mood. Negative words will only destroy their spirit and could cause devastating damage.
There are nine words that demonstrate an act of kindness. They are: Thank you, I’m sorry, you’re welcome and I love you. These words when spoken can have a powerful impact.
Showing gratitude and saying a simple thank you to someone else generally empowers the people around you as well as being an empowering feeling for you too.
When someone receives gratitude it releases all the feel good hormones in the body. Both the giver and the receiver can experience a healing connection were they feel free from stress or discomfort.
Saying sorry to someone not only makes the recipient feel comforted, it allows the giver to let go of feelings of anger and resentment. Hopefully if forgiveness is granted everyone concerned will be healed of all of the above emotions. Forgiving shows compassion and brings comfort. Sometimes it is necessary to forgive yourself before you can say sorry. It is understandable that it is not easy to admit when we are in the wrong. Some people act that they are always right and some act as the victim. We must remember that no-one is perfect. Admit that you have made a mistake to yourself. Say I’m sorry to yourself and really feel the forgiveness from within. Forgiving yourself means softening your heart to your emotions or whatever you did that was wrong or hurtful and letting go. Once you feel compassion for your imperfect self, then you can say I’m sorry to the person you have hurt.
You’re welcome is a warm greeting to make people feel special and part of your life. It is also used in a gesture of sincere gratitude.
I love you are words which all of us like to hear in our lives. Whether we hear it spoken from partners, mothers, fathers, siblings, or friends, it conveys to us that we are loved. It gives us a sense of belonging and security.
All of these words are wonderful and are words we all love to hear. If these words are not spoken from the heart they are not genuine and do not mean anything. Some people just say I’m sorry automatically, not really aware why they are saying it. It is the same when welcoming people. You may tell someone that they are always welcome to come to stay when next visiting the area, when deep down you do not really mean it.
Gratitude also has to come from the heart to be authentic. If thank you is said without meaning the recipient will always know that it is not genuine gratitude. In fact none of these nine words can be faked.
Likewise all of these words have more of an impact when they are spoken without any expectation of getting something in return. If something is expected in return then the words lose their power as they are not being spoken sincerely. You yourself will feel disappointed and despondent. If these words are spoken from the heart, without expecting anything in return, you will enjoy the magical feeling as you watch the recipient’s response.
The words I love you are often said full of expectation and have led to a lot of disappointment. Saying I love you has to be said from the heart and meant. Over using the words to please someone is not genuine. Showing genuine love is demonstrated through loving actions and giving time and attention to the people in our lives. It is not genuine love when someone says I love you, but does not treat you in a loving kind way. It is not healthy for any relationship if there is a need to constantly hear the words I love you from your partner. This identifies insecurity and low self- esteem. It is important to try to take care of this as it will cause resentment for all concerned. The other person in the relationship will also feel burdened.
Saying I’m sorry and expecting forgiveness in return can also be disappointing. Blaming the other person for not reciprocating will only start the hurt cycle all over again for both parties. You have done your part, so prove that you are really sorry by walking away to prevent any further hurtful words or actions. Sometimes the other person may need time to process it. Even if you are never forgiven, you know that you have done the right thing by apologising.
There are so many ways we can show kindness to others. We can visit an elderly or sick neighbour and offer to clean, shop or cook for them. We can donate clothes to the homeless or volunteer for some charity. There are so many things we can become involved in or do to be kind. Being kind to someone, though, can be done through the simple things of everyday life. Just smiling or saying hello to a stranger can light up that person’s day, as can holding a door open for someone or helping them carry their shopping bags.
Do not be afraid of approaching someone if they appear lost or confused. Ask them warmly if they need any assistance. When interacting with strangers, such as a shop assistant or waitress, engage in conversation asking how they are. Genuinely listen to them and be positive in your conversation and keep it focused on them. This makes them feel special and that someone cares and is listening to them. If you receive excellent service from someone take the time to tell them or inform their manager. Unfortunately many people of today are always too eager to complain or criticise, but they fail to give praise when it is due. Complimenting people on how they perform at their job will make them feel worthy, appreciated and more confident. Equally, complimenting people on the way they look can really help to lift their spirits.
Showing kindness is about having time for those around you, being a good listener, saying and doing nice things to make others feel special and loved. Being kind is treating people how you like to be treated. Showing kindness to others is more powerful, and rewarding for the giver when there is no expectation for something in return. This is genuine kindness given from the heart.
Being kind to others is so simple. Yet most of us find it hard to show kindness towards ourselves. Many of us beat ourselves up over things and are very unkind to ourselves. Remember no one is perfect. We need to show more compassion towards ourselves. Compassion means loving yourself, forgiving yourself and being grateful for what you have. Practise using positive words towards yourself. This will raise your confidence and self- esteem. Try saying those nine words mentioned above to yourself. See how they make you feel. When we love ourselves we can show more love and kindness to those around us.
Let us all practise being kind to ourselves and each other every day. By sharing kindness it will spread and reach peoples’ hearts. In doing so it will bring more happiness and less stress into our lives.